[featured_image]I really want to be able to say that authentically. I can’t yet. I like to count. I’ve been doing this for years. I count heads. I estimate numbers. When my wife goes to a women’s event at our church, I always ask her, “How many people were there?” Almost every time she doesn’t know. I just can’t understand that. Often times I will try to ask her again in a different way, like “How many people do you think showed up?” She won’t even guess.

I find myself trying to offer her my own guess and I just hope that she’ll confirm it. She won’t. She really doesn’t care how many people showed up. I want to be like that. I wish I didn’t care, but I do.

Somehow in the fabric of my perspective on what really matters in ministry are these fibers that determine value based on size. Bigger is better. Size matters. More and larger and increasing means that the event or activity is successful and good and valuable.

When my kids go to youth group on Sunday mornings or Wednesday nights, I find it hard to resist the temptation to find out how many kids were there. I can’t resist it. I always ask. Sometimes I even want to know the names of all the kids that showed up. My kids hate this inquisition. Why do I do this? Why do I determine value based on how many people show up? I’m messed up. And the sad thing is that a lot of pastors and church leaders are messed up, too. We focus our energy and resources toward getting more people to come rather than on the transformation of those who are there.